“I’m a first-generation domestic violence survivor.”
Valerian didn’t just leave a dangerous relationship—she rewrote the future for herself and her children. With the help of Crisis Services of North Alabama, she found safety, support, and the strength to rebuild a life defined not by fear and violence, but by healing and hope.
Read her full story, and see what’s possible when survivors have a place to turn.
My name is Valerian. I’d like to say my story began when I met my ex-husband and ended the year I left him, but the truth is, it started long before that.
I come from a long line of women whose lives were forever altered—or even ended—by domestic violence.
When I was just 12 years old, I tried to rescue my mother from her abuser, only to be beaten for trying. That moment changed everything. It shaped the way I saw the world and affected my ability to reason and make healthy decisions as I grew up.
I didn’t know what real love looked like, or what a healthy relationship was. It was normal to hear yelling, profanity, glass shattering—and to see bruises and wounds on my mother the next morning. She would cover them up and pretend everything was fine. I saw her do this so many times that I believed it was just how life worked. And when she did leave, she’d always go back. That cycle became my normal
No matter how hard I tried to outrun my past, I found myself repeating it. By 24, I had two daughters of my own and was determined to build a better life for them. I wanted to give them everything I lacked growing up, and raise them to become women stronger and more confident than I ever believed I could be.
But if you don’t face your demons—if you don’t break the cycle—history repeats itself.
Looking back, it’s no surprise I found myself in another abusive relationship. I had the best intentions, but I was unknowingly recreating the same dysfunction I had grown up in. My daughters were my whole world. I loved them deeply, but love alone wasn’t enough to shield them. I suffered emotional manipulation and physical abuse. I nearly lost my identity and all sense of self-worth. Like my mother, I covered more scars than I care to remember. I dragged my daughters from their beds in the middle of the night countless times, looking for a safe place. And like my mother, I kept going back—clinging to the false hope that this time would be different. But each time, it only got worse.
Through it all, I leaned on my faith in God. And it was my daughters who kept me going. They were, and still are, my reason—my “why.”
One Brave Step
“Arriving at the shelter was my last chance to reclaim my life—and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made.”
In the summer of 2018, I finally found the strength to leave for good. I hit the highway toward the nearest city that had a shelter. Going back wasn’t an option. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t even recognize myself. Arriving at the shelter was my last chance to reclaim my life—and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made.
The staff at the shelter reassured me every step of the way. They reminded me I’d made the right choice and encouraged me to keep moving forward.
Valerian is a first-generation domestic violence survivor.
With your support, more people can write a new story—one that begins with safety and leads to healing.
As the days, weeks, and months passed, the tears slowly stopped. My mind began to heal. My strength returned. I kept trusting the process, placing one foot in front of the other, and little by little, I began to see the results. For the first time in a long time, I could look in the mirror and see a survivor staring back.
Crisis Services gave me and my daughters the tools we needed to begin again. They gave us shelter and safety, counseling for me and my youngest daughter, and a court advocate who helped me understand my rights and file for divorce. They guided me through enrolling my daughter in a new school and applying for assistance as a newly single mother.
When I found a job and had a safety plan in place, I was able to get a home for myself and my girls. That’s when I was introduced to the S.A.I.L. program—Special Assessment Intervention Liaison—which helped cover my deposit and first month’s rent. Even after we moved in, Crisis Services continued to support us with Thanksgiving baskets, Christmas gifts, and even cleaning supplies.
This experience changed my life for the better. Because of my will to survive—and because of the unwavering support and resources from Crisis Services of North Alabama—I stand here today as a first-generation domestic violence survivor.